Finding Some Words and Praying Specifically

           My words have been hard to come by lately simply because I can’t keep straight WHAT I am feeling or WHAT is actually going on.  On top of the fact that life must go on and there have been a million other “regular” things to get done for Halloween, and school, and just around the house.  But, we do have some specific prayer requests as we wait for the MRI so I wanted to share those with you guys and thank you in advance for your time and thoughts…          

This past Thursday I ran into yet another unequivocally low point in this journey that I have since struggled to recover from.  During my “routine” two week check up with my OB we were unexpectedly part of a conversation between her and the director at the specialist's office who diagnosed Eli (the place we had already decided we would not be returning to).  During the course of that chance conversation I was told that Eli did in fact have a “Classic” malformation due to the missing portion of his brain… Again, time stopped, my ears burned, and my heart rate was out of control.  I questioned my OB as to the fact that this didn’t match even what SHE was told the day of the diagnosis… remember those words “mild and subtle”???? That doesn’t equal a portion of his brain missing!!  She instructed me to speak with the director from then on … I was devastated again but now my frustration was slowly turning to pure anger towards the people at this practice.  All I could think the entire night was that they had many more pictures and live video that they did NOT send with me to the neurosurgeon and they could see, and have known, what is going on with my baby and had NOT told me!!

                Matt decided Friday that I should call and politely demand ALL of the images for Eli regardless of their relevance to the neurosurgeon.  So I did. The front office knew who I was and was expecting my phone call.  She got some information and informed me that the ONLY images/documentation that they had of Eli’s brain were the THREE pictures that we had already received!!! They had NO other pictures or videos and we knew that the neurosurgeon, although he would not rule it out, would also NOT diagnose him with that evidence.  Finally, I breathed a small sigh of relief…But at this point I am learning  to let out less and less relief with my sighs, in hopes that when the next unexpected twist arises I won’t be so incredibly out of breath… I know, not the best strategy, but I’m working on it.

                So where are we right now? … If after reading this entire blog you are confused and wondering what is going on? What is there and what is not there? What do the doctor’s think is to come? And feel like I have been writing in some kind of code to keep you out of the loop… then I have PERFECTLY conveyed how we feel and what we know…  My gut has it’s beliefs but they really aren’t worth sharing just yet because they are just a result of a plethora of confusions at this point…

                What do we need right now?... PRAYER… We are praying specifically that ALL parts of Eli’s Brain are PRESENT… If there is a piece that wasn’t able to be seen 2 weeks ago, we are praying for God to leave his fingerprint on that piece as he helps his brain continue to grow.  We are also praying for “NORMAL” results from the amniocentesis (we still haven’t heard yet).   Even with those two requests that I know are in God’s hands I must also say that our prayer continues for our strength during this journey REGARDLESS of images, test results, and diagnoses…  That we will learn to lean on the Lord for His understanding instead of our own…

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Our Goals...

 

1 Peter 5  (NIV)

⁶Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. ⁷Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 ⁸Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ⁹Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

 ¹⁰And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. ¹¹To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future

This was supposed to be Proverbs 3:5, but after reading the entire passage the rest is even better!

Proverbs 3

 ¹ My son, don't forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commands;   ² for they will bring you
    many days, a full life, and well-being. ³ Never let loyalty and faithfulness leave you. Tie them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.  ⁴ Then you will find favor and high regard
    in the sight of God and man. ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; ⁶ think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths. ⁷ Don't consider yourself to be wise; fear the LORD and turn away from evil. ⁸ This will be healing for your body
  and strengthening for your bones. ⁹ Honor the LORD with your possessions and with the first produce of your entire harvest; ¹⁰ then your barns will be completely filled, and your vats will overflow with new wine. ¹¹ Do not despise the LORD's instruction, my son, and do not loathe His discipline; ¹² for the LORD disciplines the one He loves, just as a father, the son he delights in.