Still Day 4 Mid Morning-
This was the morning of exhaustion when I had fallen asleep… I woke up not feeling as peaceful as I had the night before, but in a state of logic, ready to put the steps together almost as if to make the next move of this chess-match from Hell. Who to call first, what information I needed, how to schedule these things, and who needed to know what was going on. On my list to call was Neurosurgeons, Neonatologists, Pastor, Friends, and of course my Mom. She starts me out with some consistency that I desperately need when my awesome husband leaves for his job and I am alone.
My first call early that morning was to Dr. H’s nurse, the diagnosing doctor, who didn’t answer- I left a message. My next call was to the Neurosurgeon’s office – side note… listening to the welcome prompt “Thank you for choosing ??? Pediatric Neurology for your child” I almost had to hang up because I got sick just listening to it – but again no answer – I left a message. I couldn’t remember the neonatologist’s name so I had to call Dr. Ps office (my OB) to get that info. The woman that I would end up speaking with the rest of the day from that office would turn out to be another of God’s blessings. She had been in a car accident that left one her children with a brain injury and she knew the frustration, the fear, the anxiety, and all that I was feeling, she truly understood. And she fought for me and helped me that entire day. She made phone calls and got people to do things that I could not. The neurologist’s office returned my phone call fairly quickly and said that they had tried to call and schedule the appointment the previous day, but the phone number that the referring doctor had given wasn’t working… they sent out our old number instead of giving our updated information… they asked if we had plans this afternoon to which I quickly replied "no!" and she said that if I could get my hands on the images taken of Eli she would work on getting me in that afternoon. I was elated! And scared… So I set things in motion to head to Atlanta. Mom and Dad headed this way, Matt was made aware, and our beloved friend was asked if she could be ready. Everything was in place and as I waited to hear I began working on getting Eli’s images-not the easiest thing since Dr. H’s nurse STILL hadn’t returned my phone call from early that morning, but I did get great help at the office who had the images and they agreed to get the images ready right after lunch… That was GREAT!
The neurologist called back and said that they still didn’t have everything they needed from the diagnosing doctor, no images and no updated report… I was dumbfounded… I told them I would bring the images and she said it would just be easier to wait until Monday to try and schedule an appointment and hopefully they would have everything together. I could NOT believe that the people who told me something was wrong with my baby’s brain STILL had NOT done their part in helping me speak with a neurologist and understand what was going on. I was furious, and upset…again, and so confused. I picked up the images, called everyone to cancel the plans, and headed home with my babies.
As if the rest of the day hadn’t been stressful enough I now had in my possession the pictures that had shaken and turned my world inside out. I had the ability to sit and look at exactly what was going on with my sweet baby Eli’s brain, and everyone knows the internet can be your best friend or your worst nightmare in situations like these. Nonetheless, I chose to look at them… it was very stressful and I didn’t completely know what to make of it, but I saw THE image that is forever engraved in my mind from Wednesday… the one that was followed with the comment, “That should not be there,” And that was hard, but it brought me back to reality, to a point of working on acceptance, and to the place of humility and brokenness I was at sometime between the 1st night and the 2nd day.
The stress of the last 3 days had began to take a toll on my body, and the on and off contractions I had been having at each unmarked turn of events had actually started to become pretty regular as well as the involuntary chills that my nerves were producing and I began praying that it would all stop and that the day would just go by quickly… and it did and they all stopped, for the time being.
I prayed for FIRE again, for the fluid to reside, for all formations to appear normal, for baby Eli to remain safe inside of me for as long as possible, and for God to have His hand of miracles and peace in our lives…
We are indebted to all who are praying… We know that Elijah was a man of miracles in the days of old and we expect nothing less with our baby Eli, every prayer assuredly counts…
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