This past year has gone by at a speed that is barely fathomable. It has been filled with constant moments of humility
and gratefulness. My baby boy was a little under the weather for his party but toughed it out and had a great time. As I came here to post this I found myself "thumbing" through posts from the year before... I suppose my reflections on those days will always bring tears to my eyes and even pull me to my knees. It is almost as if it were all a bad dream as I sit here and type this today. But, I can read and I remember and I know it was all so very real. "My God is Greater, My God is Stronger, God You are Higher than any other... My God is Healer, Awesome and Power..." These lyrics are the anthem of our lives. Before he was even born my sweet Elijah began his testimony with the Lord. And though I thought my heart would break in a million pieces at any moment, I wouldn't have had it any other way now... I found a post that I had done last year and it was a reminder for myself... The Lord knew I would need one...
This year the kids had a chance to go to the State Fair. To say that they had fun is an understatement! This was the kids first time at ANY fair and this one was huge! Hanging out with PaPa and Granny is always fun but we were excited to have Megan, Ross, Katie, Bill, Clay, Cooper, and Charlie with us as well. It was lots of fun and we are all excited about going again next year. :)
Halloween was a bit different this year. We made our costumes from stuff we found around the house. :) The kids really enjoyed it and it was nice to not spend a fortune on something they use once. I do however somewhat regret making poor Eli dress up as that silly bumble bee. He looks SO much like a little girl and he couldn't even defend himself! Not to mention he hated it :) Taylor was a cross between a Kitten and a Ballerina, which is what i think she wants to grow up to be as well. And Gabe was a motor cross rider. We were lucky enough to have a chance to trick-or-treat in Ron and Kristy's neighborhood. They had a great time if you can't tell from the smiles! Ms Kristy even had goody bags and cupcakes ready for them when we got there! :)
One year ago today, almost to the very moment, I sat in a waiting room filled with mommies-to-be just like myself. Some anxious with the fear painfully seared in their expressions... Some joyful as they left with the news they had been hoping for. Most of us, were just sort of there, rubbing our precious bellies, anticipating the wait to be over and pretending as if our fears didn't really exist. Each of us would not have been in that office had there not been some area of concern with either ourselves or our unborn baby, and still, I managed to shrug off the potential seriousness of my surroundings. I had a history with this practice; I knew how this whole situation worked. I had two other babies that had to be monitored but nothing ever came of any of these visits... just little healthy babies.
On the morning of October 20th, 2010, my dear friend and I sat anxious to see pictures of the precious baby boy that had been growing inside of me for the last 34 1/2 weeks. I could have had no warning or preparation for the news I would receive in the next hour. The baby that I had so recklessly fallen in love with and dreamed of meeting would suddenly be replaced with the idea of something that didn't seem to belong to me. After marveling at the beauty of such miraculous life inside of me... Watching him move his fingers and stretch his toes... Watching him practice breathing and giving him a pep talk for what great work he was doing, I was fairly certain I had caught a little grin through that amazing picture on the screen. And then... Out of nowhere, without a single foreshadowing moment, I was told that my perfect baby boy had an area of darkness in his brain because a very important piece of it was missing. The words from the Dr continued in an attempt to help me understand that this finding went along with the extra fluid that had collected at the base of his brain and the dilation that was clearly evident in his ventricles...
I don't remember the one thought or what exactly went through my mind at that moment... About a million thoughts I’m sure, but all that escaped my body was a rush of fear and a broken, sobbing, resemblance of myself sat on that table. I know that many of the thoughts I do remember having may sound harsh but they are the truth... I didn't want to be the special parent... I didn't want God or anyone for that matter to think that I was smart enough or kind enough or loving enough to handle this situation. The baby that I had been dreaming of vanished almost instantly from my mind and this vague slideshow of possibilities began to circulate as a replacement... I didn't know if he would walk, or talk, or look "normal"... I didn't know if my first moments of time with him would include him being rushed away or having his tiny little body cut into and tubes placed in his brain... I didn't know if we would be purchasing special car seats and special wheelchairs... what kind of school we would have to find, and where we would get the money for all of this and how I would care for a child for the rest of my life... How I would answer to all those that said our family was just fine with my first two beautiful babies, "should have left well enough alone..." I could not imagine why God had done this to ME... Everything in those moments was about ME... Some may say, I had a right to be so self-centered due to the shocking news, but it's ok to call it what it is, I was only thinking about myself, not my baby, and certainly not My God. What few thoughts I had towards God were pure anger. Fear had already begun to control me...
The Lord had given me a God-Send that day and she helped me to focus, made me think about my baby once more, and my vision slowly began to change. That night I began making peace with God and it would take the next few days for me to come to terms with the situation, BUT I have never experienced such peace in my entire life. I felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders and that I could take on ANYthing that dared cross my path. Matt and I found a closeness that cannot be explained and we surrendered our unborn child to God and began putting the old pieces of our life into our new perspective. God's Glory has never shown so bright in our lives as in those dark days, and such it seems are His ways ;)
There were plenty of moments spent broken down in the shower or while listening to a song on the radio but each and everyone was conquered by His Peace and truth that He gave to us... He helped me to work through my fears and begin to re-introduce myself to my precious baby. I now saw my Elijah as God's baby that I would have the honor of mothering, no matter what that entailed, while he was here on this earth. I knew that God had made him perfect and that none of my sadness and disappointments were going to change whatever plan the Lord had for each of our lives, and only He could know how it must be.
Matt Hammit, The lead singer of Sanctus Real, had an encounter with his unborn son, baby Bowen J, that lead him to create an album that was only recently released. But I listened to many of his songs from his blog while he was writing them and found great comfort in his honest testimony of fear and uncertainty. I identified with SO many of his feelings. He will never know the closeness that he helped me feel with the Lord, but whomever may be reading this, I want you to know that whatever story God has given you, it is yours for a reason. Go and be His light and voice even if you think no one is listening. Because though you may not know those that you touch, they just may come to know Him, and there can be no greater reward that I can think of.
My sweet baby Eli has been sick for the last couple of weeks and my happy smiling boy has been fussy while fighting teeth, and a cold, and who knows what else. And though there are nights when I don't sleep and moments I’m ready for his daddy to be home ;), I count each one as gain. Every lost hour in the night, every precious kiss I place on his forehead, every outing I have to miss, and every smile I am blessed to see... In every single day I am reminded of what God can do. One year later, my precious baby is lying in his crib sound asleep. Every piece of his brain is intact and the fluid has resided. He can babble, he can crawl, he can almost walk, and he speaks to my heart with every smile. He is truly our Miracle Baby. Life has gotten busy and there are moments when His Greatness has fallen to the back of my mind but I will forever remember that day and make a point to remind myself that it was real. Because even though our hopes and dreams fell into the will that He had for us this time, there will always be moments where we must let go in faith and trust the One who made us for Himself. Knowing that we are His children and All that He does, in ways we may not understand, is to bring us closer to Him in His Fullness and Love and Peace... And I for one can tell you that once you are there, on this side of heaven, there is no greater place to be.
~Much Love to each of you and thanks for your prayers and love to our family
Enjoying Some Cuddles after a long day of swimming with Grammy and Grandpa:)
We ended the school year on a great note and looked forward to some play time at the lake and a visit from some good friends. The kids really enjoyed the lake this year. They both went tubing and wanted to ride the jet ski all day :) We also got to spend some time in Grammy and Grandpa's new motor home and "camped out" for a few days in the mountains...
SO much fun with Grammy and Grandpa!!
The Shipley's paid us a return visit and took over our house in a fashion only they can do ;) We had a chance to enjoy taking all of our babies to the World of Coke for the first time and to their first Atlanta Braves Game!! It was a blast and I was VERY thankful to have all the help with the kiddos.
We have a new addition to the family... Not a baby ;) An Uncle Ross!! Taylor was ecstatic to get to dress up like the "Princess," a.k.a. Aunt Megan, and it was a great time to catch up with much of Matt's family that we don't get to see. We had visitors all the way from PA and even got a chance for them to hang out at our house one of the nights they were here. The last time we had seen them was at OUR wedding 8 years ago!
We had some spring time fun at the park and Taylor got her first "big girl" hair cut! She was so cute with her new do and mommy was glad to have a lot less hair to dry!! :)
Taylor had a field trip to pick strawberries. She got to spend the whole time with her best buddy Kinsley! They are two peas in a pod, or maybe better described as "Double Trouble" ;)
The only thing that would put a damper on a beautiful spring would be the devastation of the April 27th Tornadoes that hit Georgia and all but our home... This particular blessings deserves an entirely separate blog...
After all the CRAZY snow and mostly ice in February, our trip to Memphis got postponed to spring break. I couldn't have been happier with the time change because we were able to enjoy the beautiful weather with our great friends. The kids did AWESOME on the drive. They were so excited to be going through different states they never ONCE complained about the time. Of course the excitement of going to see "Mr. Jeff" and the Family also helped :)
We spent almost an entire week with the Shipley family before they decided to boot us out ;) and we had a blast visiting and even did a little "vacationing" while we were there.
Taylor got to visit the zoo for the first time and Gabe enjoyed it just as much since he can't remember visiting it a couple of years ago.
Gabe also REALLY enjoyed visiting the Lorraine Motel. He had just recently studied Martin Luther King Jr and his Assassination in school and knew all about it! Considering it's such a huge piece of history it was actually really cool for Matt and I to see as well.
Eli met Jeff, whom his middle name is taken from, for the first time and while we were there we were honored with the privilege of sharing Eli's testimony at the church he pastors. This was such a special time for all of us and we are so thankful to be blessed with not only a great family, but absolutely, the best of friends.
Spring time is almost here and I for one could do without another day of these dreary, cold clouds! The Mundoks have been VERY busy these last couple of months and I, of course, haven't made the time I wanted to make for my blog :( It seems as though I'm too sleepy at night to get it in and the mornings are full of hustle and bustle! I seriously think my "home-maker" title should be changed to juvenile taxi driver!! :) We hit the ground running in about 100 different directions between diaper changes, baby feedings, big kid feedings :), school clothes, school hair, school stuff... (whew) and I'm pretty sure I didn't see shower or me-breakfast anywhere in there! And nonetheless, we count it all as being beautifully blessed :)
This Christmas was a little different than any other. We had a great time gearing up for it as usual and the kids enjoyed their annual visit to the Bass Pro Shop to see Santa. (As strange as it sounds they really do have the best set up around :) We wrote their letters to Santa, took the pictures, and had a lot of fun, but everything was just different... I couldn't really put my finger on it exactly and I don't think it was due to my lack of sleep ;) ... I wasn't as concerned with all the presents and the hustle and bustle. I wanted the babies to have a great Christmas, and knew they would, but I really just wanted to sit and take in all that I had. This Christmas was really more of an inventory time for me. I realized how blessed and taken care of we really are. My Christmas present was sleeping soundly in my arms and nothing else in the world mattered at that moment. I wanted those that I love to know how much they were loved and that was enough...
Needless to say my nostalgia had to be interrupted to take part in the excitement of the day! It seemed as though Santa had taken a back seat this year and frankly, I was actually relieved. We made an awesome birthday cake for Jesus, sang happy birthday, and thanked Him, as we do every day, for healing Eli's brain. You could tell even the little ones were a bit humbled by this and Matt and I simply took in as much of that moment as we possibly could.
My parents came bearing gifts on Christmas day (as usual :) and the kids finished opening presents... Play Time Began! My brother and his girlfriend also joined us and didn't seem too overwhelmed with the heaps of wrapping paper and craziness. After a short rest we headed to the Mundok's for Christmas Round 2! There are 6 grandchildren now and you can only imagine the scene of all that excitement :) I was glad to get home and get the kids settled and tucked into bed after a rather crazy day... To top off such a wonderful Christmas, Snow began to fall on our ride home and it was just enough to again be reminded of the wonder of beauty of all He has created...
I do have to mention that Eli thoroughly enjoyed this Christmas season. He was enthralled with his first visit with Santa and even got to be Baby Jesus in our Church's Christmas play, though only the tip top of his head was actually visible :). Here are some pictures of his adventure this Holiday Season.
